- Thread starter The_Yellow_Ardvark
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owas
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I think my cats would hate those ultrasonic thingys, tried that?
Never really had a problem with any of the cats around me, there's quite a lot too that are always out, just next doors that flattens my grass, but she sleeps in the box now instead.
I remember when my neighbor had a dog though, good god the smell was horrific as soon as you stepped out the back door, he ended up strangling himself on his chain, I don't think they should have pets tbh
Bullet2012
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Bullet2012
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Cats are beautiful, sophisticated, intelligent creatures. And with a little love and caring, they can keep a human being alive for upwards of seventy to eighty years. If you follow these simple instructions, you can have your human house trained in no time.
CLEANLINESS: For some reasons, humans seem to enjoy immersing themselves in running water. Attempts to get humans to lick themselves clean have proven interesting, if unproductive.
COMMUNICATION: Humans are unable to speak a proper language. Therefore, you should communicate a point loudly, repeatedly, and if at all possible, at about three in the morning. Any attempts at human-to-cat communication can be dealt with by simply ignoring it until it stops.
FEEDING: Morning feeding should start promptly when your human is fast asleep, preferably three or four minutes before the alarm is supposed to go off. Recommended methods of waking your human include: sitting on its face, screaming in its ear, and biting its hair.
MATING: Human mating behavior is fascinating. Unfortunately, humans tend to get easily spooked by prolonged study of courtship rituals, and resort to shoe-throwing behavior.
TOILET TRAINING: A human's natural tendency is to not change your litter box. Although experts in human behavior believe it can be attributed to the "laziness reflex," this can be easily corrected through what is called "shoe therapy." Just remember that a human shoe looks a lot like a human toilet, and you should be fine.
Following these simple tips is the first step towards a long and productive cat/human relationship.
CLEANLINESS: For some reasons, humans seem to enjoy immersing themselves in running water. Attempts to get humans to lick themselves clean have proven interesting, if unproductive.
COMMUNICATION: Humans are unable to speak a proper language. Therefore, you should communicate a point loudly, repeatedly, and if at all possible, at about three in the morning. Any attempts at human-to-cat communication can be dealt with by simply ignoring it until it stops.
FEEDING: Morning feeding should start promptly when your human is fast asleep, preferably three or four minutes before the alarm is supposed to go off. Recommended methods of waking your human include: sitting on its face, screaming in its ear, and biting its hair.
MATING: Human mating behavior is fascinating. Unfortunately, humans tend to get easily spooked by prolonged study of courtship rituals, and resort to shoe-throwing behavior.
TOILET TRAINING: A human's natural tendency is to not change your litter box. Although experts in human behavior believe it can be attributed to the "laziness reflex," this can be easily corrected through what is called "shoe therapy." Just remember that a human shoe looks a lot like a human toilet, and you should be fine.
Following these simple tips is the first step towards a long and productive cat/human relationship.
Bullet2012
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I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
(also posted in the joke thread)
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
(also posted in the joke thread)
Bullet2012
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Ooh look a new place to hide.
JEZGUZ
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I had one that did that too, the trouble was it was a con, as soon as you went in for the rub the claws would be embedded in your wrist followed by the teeth, little sod. Apart from that foible he was very affectionate.
On a separate note, I heard on the radio that a 52 year old man from Brighton has been done for stabbing 16 cats, I hope some serious karma comes his way.
On a separate note, I heard on the radio that a 52 year old man from Brighton has been done for stabbing 16 cats, I hope some serious karma comes his way.
Bullet2012
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Just blending in tonight
Rannsachair
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My cat asking for a sample of tomorrows starter:
mrsbruce
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I’ve never seen the Lodger drink out of a water bowl, but he will sit in the sink with a dripping tap, and lick a wet paw.
